The Cool Bus
I saw this bus when I was at the Field of Dreams in Dyersville, Iowa. There’s definitely a story behind that bus, and if I may quote the majority of ‘80s standup comics, I think it went a little something like this…
A BUS DRIVER excitedly runs into the BOSS’ office.
BUS DRIVER:Â Hey, boss!
BOSS: What is it now, Gary?
BUS DRIVER:Â I got a great idea!
BOSS: Is it anything like your last one? I’m still getting calls from concerned parents about why you added airplane wings to a school bus.
BUS DRIVER: I thought it would eliminate drag. But this idea is even better!
BOSS:Â You gonna turn a school bus into a submarine?
BUS DRIVER: No. (deep in thought, then) But if I… no. One idea at a time, Gary. Boss, I’m gonna make… a Cool Bus.
The Boss stares at the Bus Driver for a long while.
BOSS: What the hell’s a Cool Bus?
BUS DRIVER:Â Well, you know a school bus?
BOSS: Yes, I’m pretty familiar with school buses, Gary.
BUS DRIVER: I’m gonna make one a Cool Bus.
BOSS:Â I have a lot of stuff I gotta get done, so if you could get to the point–
BUS DRIVER: I’m going to scratch out letters to make “School Bus†say “Cool Busâ€! And I’m going to paint the bus purple.
BOSS:Â Purple?
BUS DRIVER:Â The coolest color we got in the rainbow.
BOSS: Are you going to dangerously alter the engine? Add rocket fuel to the gas? Install horizontal spikes on the tires like Roman Empire chariot races?
BUS DRIVER: Nope. Only gonna change the name and paint it purple.
BOSS: Okay. Fine, Gary. You can do it. Just stop bothering me.
BUS DRIVER:Â Yeah-yuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
The Bus Driver leaps in the air as we FREEZE FRAME.