Travel Bug Robert
Finding the funny in the world.

Robert Eats Lasagna in Rome

Italy is known the world over for its delicious food and especially for its pasta.  When in Rome, I popped into this place to see if the pasta was really as good as everyone said.

Well, it was pretty darn good, let me tell you.  That lasagna couldn’t have been any fresher.

And you want to talk about rich?  So decadent, but in the best way possible.  We’re not talking about a fried Twinkie kind of decadent here.  This was decadent in a “not greasy at all and totally worth the 1,200 calories” kind of way.  Apparently, it’s all about the beschemel sauce.  Well done, Italy.  I tip my hat and loosen my belt to you.

Kids Grab the Darndest Things

Rome has thousands of sculptures.  Frankly, by the end of my trip there, I was tired of looking at them.  I guess you could say I had a statue of limitations.  It’s disheartening, really, to get to a point where looking at beautiful pieces of art can no longer bring joy.  But seriously, they have so many sculptures.  The Vatican Museum alone can desensitize a person to intricately chiseled marble-work.  Maybe part of my problem was that most of the sculptures felt the same.  So many were busts of dead guys I’ve never heard of.  In his day, I’m sure Terentius of Falacrine was a big deal, but when his head is on a shelf next to twenty other marble heads, he doesn’t seem that important.

I was numbingly slogging through another room of these painstakingly created ancient wonders when I got jolted out of my funk.  I saw this statue.  Now this is what I’m talking about.  Whoever this artist was, he had a sense of humor.  Look at the snake’s facial expression.  He’s cartoonishly angry.  And rightly so, since this stupid kid picked him up.  This is about as hilarious as you can get from a two-thousand-year-old sculpture.  You know exactly what’s going to happen.  That kid’s gonna get his face bit.  If archaeologists ever unearth another sculpture from this artist, I’m guessing it will involve a banana peel.

Mr. Cellophane

Man, have I felt like this guy before.  I mean, we’ve all been there, right guys?  You get up in the morning, ready to face the day with a bright smile and a can-do attitude.  You put on your pants and your socks and your shirt that’s custom made so you can hide your head in the chestal region to make it appear as though you don’t have a head.  Then off you go to work, sitting on a bustling street in Rome, hoping for a few scraps of coin to pay for the custom shirt you designed to make it look like you don’t have a head.  Then all of a sudden, this woman walks by and doesn’t even acknowledge you as a human being.  Right, because all human beings are supposed to have a head.  Not if you know a thing or two about tailor made shirts, lady.  Then she leaves, and you’re left alone with your thoughts and a tin can full of nothin’.

It’s like he ripped a page from my diary.

Robert Impersonates Julius Caesar

Walking around Rome, it’s incredibly easy to come across sites where important events happened throughout history.  The city really was an epicenter of culture and politics for, like, a thousand years, give or take.  So much has happened in Italy’s capital, including the assassination of Julius Caesar.  I came across the place where Caesar was done in, and I tried my hand at explaining how the fateful Ides of March played out.

Maybe Newton Was Just Thirsty

Ah, the Roman aqueduct.  Can you believe that thousands of years ago, humans were able to conceive of and execute a way to have running water dispersed to all of Rome?  I certainly can’t.  And the craziest thing is, you can still drink from fountains throughout the city that are attached to these ancient water slides.

(Get your drink on at the Vatican)

These days, water is becoming a scarce resource.  They say the future wars of the world will be fought over water.  I’ve never seen Waterworld, but I hope that movie is as prophetic as I want it to be.  When you think about it, water  is kind of necessary for survival.  More necessary than oil, really.  You can’t drink oil.  Or bathe in oil.  You can cook with oil, but I’d be afraid to put petrol next to an open flame.  I think we have to look back to the ancient Romans to prevent those future water wars.  One word: aqueducts.  There you go.  Let’s make it happen, engineers.